Today we were expecting the highly anticipated return of Chemo Boy for the 5th round, but B failed the blood test yesterday. He initially reported this to me via text as a problem with his pellets. Me: ‘like a chicken?’ We eventually worked out that the doctor had said his platelets are too low. This isn’t entirely unexpected after 4 rounds of chemo – he is to return next week when hopefully he has a higher pellet count and the treatment can continue.

I’ve been assured that this doesn’t mean he would bleed to death if he cut himself, which is a relief. I don’t have to hide all the knives and the toolbox. It’s a running joke at our Haus that no DIY task is complete until B starts to bleed. He can cut himself doing anything, including hanging a picture and painting a wall. In the kitchen he doesn’t fare much better. When we purchased a set of knives a while ago, he cut himself putting them into the knife block.

We’ve both been feeling a bit down lately for various reasons. Not at the same time which I suppose is a good thing. I find it hard to cope when B is upset. I tend to sit there, staring at him, weighing up and rejecting various things to say.

‘It’ll be ok’ – Trite and untrue
‘I’ll make it all better’ – I can’t
‘You’re not dead yet’ – True, but not exactly comforting

B is apprehensive about his return to work, which looks likely to happen in a few months time. He’s looking forward to it, but is scared too which is understandable. He recently completed the same set of cognitive tests that he did prior to the surgery. The results showed what we expected – some reduced functioning in terms of short term memory and language skills. The neuropsychologist recommends that he returns to work on part-time basis and not in a front line role.

This is good but I still worry about how it will affect him. After the tests he had a headache and went home to sleep for 3 hours. The testing took hours so would have been draining for anyone but I’m still concerned about how he will manage at work. Time will tell!



  1. It would be very hard to know what to say, I struggle with this on the most trivial of occasions: bon voyage, happy birthday, it’s a boy! I have a little book called ‘the right words’ for instances such as these, sadly they don’t have a section on consoling a loved one with a brain tumour. But when I think back to the lowest time in my life, the one thing that was said to me that I really heard was ‘I’m here’. Maybe it’s the old ‘misery loves company’ adage but hearing that you’re not alone can sometimes give great comfort. X

    1. You’re right, I need to get past the desire to ‘fix things’ (which is impossible). As I find it hard to watch I sometimes make myself scarce so he can get on with it, but he knows where I am if he needs me.

  2. Ha ha pellets…you sound quite upbeat!!! Steve gets his bloods next monday.. He is a lot more tired think his bloods will have changed. They were ok with the 6 week lower dose so here’s hoping! Fortunately hubby in positive mode so helps me. It is shit but we have kids and grandkids coming for week…that wont help his tiredness! Xxlove to all

    1. It’ll be good for you both though – he’ll be tired but happy! xx

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