Vinyasa disaster

heidi_klum_beach

B and I had a bit of a talk on the weekend about his tendency to isolate himself away from people. When I say ‘talk’ I mean that I did a lot of talking and he did very little. That’s how these conversations always go. I think I’ve mentioned before that B is quite introverted and has become even more so since his diagnosis. It worries me that he goes for long periods without talking to anyone except me. I’d like him to see his friends more often and get out and about a bit more. I also need my own space occasionally.

With this in mind B went to Hot Yoga last night, having tired of his cold yoga. He enjoyed it but when he returned home I was perturbed to learn that he had been shown around by a female instructor who also happens to be German. I can just imagine her – Heidi Klum in a crop top. She started speaking to him in German uninvited, which to my mind is blatant flirtation. B may have a very German name, pronounced accent and Germanic looks but that’s no reason to take liberties.

I suppose it’s my own fault for encouraging him to leave the house. I decided that next time he goes, I’ll pop in with some Keppra and announce that my husband has forgotten to take his anti-seizure medication. That should see her off. However this may not be required as today B has a pounding headache, probably due to the heat and the exertion. I did some googling and read that during Hot Yoga ‘the brain is stimulated by increased circulation and varying blood pressure’. That doesn’t sound too good.

So far this week, then, I’ve told B off for not going out enough, pushed him into the arms of a Teutonic man-eater and encouraged him to participate in seizure-inducing exercise. I think I’ll back off now while I’m still married.

I’m still going to classes myself and enjoying it, although my zen-like state hasn’t quite materialised yet. A few days ago I turned up and went into the studio, where everyone was relaxing on their mats before class. I unrolled my mat with a flourish, which made a loud WHAP sound as it hit the floor. Several people looked up and frowned as I whispered ‘sorry!’

I have my first yoga injury. It was my own fault. I went to a non-beginner’s class (beginner? I’ve been doing this for 3 weeks!) and there were some moves I couldn’t do. When I got home I thought I’d test drive the firefly – if you check this out on YouTube you’ll see why it was an extremely bad idea. I lost my balance on the wooden floor and my arms were trapped behind my legs so when I fell forward there was nothing much I could do to protect my head. I split a scar that I have under my right eyebrow so it’s all a bit bruised and bloody at the moment.

I’m not letting it bother me. I bet ‘Heidi’ can do the firefly but I have other qualities. Dignity, grace and balance are overrated.

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5 comments

  1. Tatielane · · Reply

    Jill you crack me up.

  2. Elzeebeth · · Reply

    Jill, you are a ray of sunshine – you do make me giggle when I read your blogs… then I have to read them to D and he smiles 🙂

  3. I sincerely agree with the ladies above. This post is hilarious, Jill! Thank you so much. I laughed out loud. (No internet lingo intended.)
    If Heidi keeps on bitchin’ just let me know and I will talk some German with her.
    xxx from Berlin

  4. I read this and laughed because I too have been in a similar situation. I often find myself wanting to chip in and mention the words ‘anti epileptics’ ‘anti-anxiety’ and ‘rectal valium’! Boyf tells me I’m being silly, and we probably are, but we are women and it doesn’t matter how amazing we are for the support and care we provide our men, we will go green and want to shatter every biy of female human interaction they get!

  5. You crack me up 🙂 lol x

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