B and I had a quiet and relaxing Easter, and celebrated the end of his final chemotherapy cycle. On Monday I was feeling nauseous, lethargic and bloated. After a few minutes of googling I thought I had the answer.

Me: I think I’m sensitive to gluten. I’ve eaten a lot of gluten lately and now I don’t feel very good.
B: I think you’ve just eaten too much food in general.

Harsh but true words from the husband. We did consume an entire leg of lamb out at a restaurant one night, and the next night B cooked confit duck legs – duck in duck fat. With creamy celeriac mash. Followed by chocolate pudding with a molten peanut butter centre. Not to mention the vast amounts of chocolate eggs and hot cross buns that we put away.

At one point I accused B of turning into a ‘feeder‘. He denied even knowing what that is, but I still suspect he has a secret wish to see me winched out of the house by crane when I become too big to leave via the door.

I have mixed feelings about the end of chemotherapy. On one hand it’s good to see an end to the formal period of treatment – the hospital visits, the cycle of nausea and fatigue. On the other hand it leaves me wondering ‘what’s next?’ As unpleasant as the chemo was, it gave me the feeling that we were ‘doing something’ about the cancer. Now if feels as if we must try to get on with life whilst waiting for the tumour to awaken from its dormant state and wreak havoc on our lives again.

B will see the occupational therapist at his company next week, to start to plan his return to work. He won’t be leaping back into the world of high finance though, he’ll be taking it easy to start with. I think it’s going to be a shock to his system. I remember a year ago, his day would have revolved around events like the recent downgrading of the UK’s credit rating. When that happened in February, he missed it as he was taking a nap.

The key to handling all of this fear and uncertainty is to stay positive and organise plenty of fun things to do. With that in mind we are planning a trip to Australia for my 40th birthday in November. The travel insurance will cost a bomb, but barring any unforeseen disasters, we are going. Can’t wait!

Less of this:


More of this:

bondi beach



  1. Hungry Hedgehog · · Reply

    That last picture reminds me of Margate!

  2. “He has a secret wish to see me winched out of the house by crane when I become too big to leave via the door.”

    Too funny! Thanks for the feederism link. It’s a real phenomenon — less acceptable than homosexuality but more acceptable than child pornography. In other words, creepy and weird — unless you can make a joke about it. Then you’re ‘too funny!’

    We’re dealing with brain cancer in my family, too. We’re learning to enjoy each day as it comes. Cancer only saps the joy out of life if you let it….


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